Cease and De-Cyst

I’ve had a few cancer scares over the years, but this recent one is the worst.

My mom had breast cancer in her early thirties, so I began getting mammograms over a decade ago. About five years ago, they found a lump under my left nipple. Tests showed that it was probably benign. A few years later, it grew in size. I was angry, convinced that because they didn’t remove it when we found it, that it had to be cancer. Fear and anxiety set in as I had to get a needle biopsy. Thankfully it came back as a benign fibroadenoma.

My second scare came as a result of a dentist appointment and my dentist advising me to get an MRI because he saw a mass in my sinus cavity. The ENT doctor that my nurse practitioner recommended was pretty convinced prior to receiving the scan results that we were going to have to do surgery to remove the mass. He could actually see the mass when he looked up my nasal cavity. Thankfully those results came back negative and the mass miraculously disappeared.

I had my routine mammogram this year and was pleasantly surprised when the results came back that the adenoma was decreasing in size. That was wonderful news. A few years ago, I was dating someone who actually brought up my lump because he could feel it. I was surprised that he noticed and even more surprised that he said something out of concern. A decrease in size was a welcome result.

When you hit your forties and don’t have any children (nor plans to ever have any), you start wondering when perimenopause will kick in. Knowing that not having children can sometimes kickstart the process, (especially when you have an older sister who has been in perio status for the last decade), you are waiting for it to happen. When I started having irregular periods, I assumed it was just the start of menopause.

Back in March, I missed a few months of my period. After several negative home pregnancy tests, I thought maybe there could possibly an ectopic pregnancy. My other half Joey, being a medical doctor, explained possible reasons for the erratic periods. I felt like there was something in my abdomen. I kept feeling it with my hands. I wondered if it was just psychosomatic. My bloodwork came back normal, with just slightly elevated cholesterol.

After a few months passed, I started having increased acid reflux attacks. I always felt full, even if I hadn’t eaten that much. I thought I had gained weight because we were eating gourmet foods, even though most times I would make Joey finish my food. Eventually, we would just order one entree and split it. My mom, crazy on Ambien sleeping pills, would say things about my weight gain too. I started going to more Zumba classes, even teaching a few songs here and there. The weight wasn’t going anywhere in my mid section. In fact, I started to look like I was pregnant, but I was still having periods.

When I had my yearly appointment, I went over my concerns with the doctor midwife. I explained what was happening with my periods being irregular. She said it was probably just normal for my age, but she wanted to go ahead and order a trans-vaginal ultrasound. She also prescribed me birth control that I could stay on continuously so I wouldn’t have a period, after another negative pregnancy test. We scheduled a follow up appointment in three months.

In August we were traveling abroad in Ireland. I had spotted for days before we left and then it stopped. We were eating at a restaurant when I suddenly felt that period gush, but it felt worse than before. I casually stood up and thanked my lucky stars the seats were vinyl, because I bled all over them. I stealthily cleaned it up and made my way to the bathroom. When I pulled my pants down, a huge blood clot fell onto the floor. I took a picture with my cell phone to show Joey, then quickly cleaned up what looked like a crime scene. I felt so sorry for whoever had to clean the bathroom that night because they probably thought someone miscarried in the bathroom with all of the bloody paper towels I put into the trash can.

I was worried about the amount of blood that I was losing. Joey was fearful that I could be anemic as well, due to the blood loss. I worried that the clotting may be an issue on the long plane ride home, so I took a few baby aspirin before our flight. I also felt like I was having a hard time controlling my bladder. We hiked to a waterfall and the sense of urgency to pee was so strong, I squatted in the woods before I literally pissed my pants. I wore liners as extra insurance for the remainder of the trip. I was making an appointment for my trans vaginal ultrasound visit once we returned to the states.

When I went for my ultrasound, I tried to make light hearted conversation with the tech. I joked that the midwife had told me that the wand was smaller than most penises. She didn’t laugh. I said to her that I hoped this was just the start of menopause. She sat poker faced as she clicked measurements. When she asked me when my follow-up appointment with my doctor was, I started to wonder what she saw.

The results came back a few days later, while I was in the middle of a shoot. The doctor was extremely concerned and ordered a pelvic CT scan with contrast stat. They found two large cysts in my left ovary. They couldn’t even see my right ovary. She said they were massive. I needed to go as soon as possible. I sat shocked and went to tell the photographer (also my friend) that I had to leave. I was done with the last look for makeup and hair. I started to cry. He took my hands in his and told me it was going to be alright. I texted Joey and told him the ultrasound findings. We would go together to the office to pick up the stat CT scan orders. When we got home, he emerged from the bathroom with a baby wipe canister and told me that for size reference, this was the size of my cysts collectively. I cried again. Reality of the size really hit home with that reference. It explained so much. Everything with what had been going on. The massive cysts were pushing my organs upwards, causing my uncomfortable feelings with the bladder and fullness. This was like what I heard my pregnant friends and clients complain about. I wondered again why people thought pregnancy was so beautiful.

The doctor ordered another blood test, this time a test to determine a marker for ovarian cancer. That result came back slightly elevated.

I tried to get my CT scan where my ultrasound and previous mammograms were done. We scheduled it and were told my health insurance company usually took five days to authorize scans. Joey called to have the approval expedited.

As I was working in between television gigs, I was driving to a private client that I squeezed in and the radiology place called to tell me that they wanted to reschedule my appointment. I asked why and was told that they couldn’t get my clinicals. I asked if they called my health insurance company. I told them that I wanted to keep my appointment as is and I would contact my insurance company to expedite the authorization. The lady told me that they had already given my appointment away to someone else. I started to tear up again, choking my words because I was angry, frustrated and a little scared. The whole point was to get the scan done before going out of the country for seven days on a cruise. I hung up on the radiology center and called Joey. I tearfully told him what happened. He said he would take care of it. By the time I got done with my two clients for their event that night and I was on my way back to the television studio, Joey had already scheduled my appointment with a different radiology and imaging center.

I went in for the CT scan and was told that since it was ordered stat that I should have the results in an hour or two. The radiology tech was pleasant. I told her that I was aware of the size of the massive cysts. I could see the three techs through the window. I’m sure they were concerned about the size as well.

As the hours passed, I waited for my results. Nothing came. I kept checking my patient portal and still couldn’t find anything. I reached out to my nurse practitioner to see if she had gotten anything, but to no avail. I even contacted a long time friend who works for the same company that I got the orders from to see if she could pull the results. Still no answers. Finally I was able to see the patient portal and Joey was able to read my results for me.

There are three cysts total in both ovaries, totaling the size of a large baby wipe canister. This was going to require invasive surgery and once the masses are sent to pathology, I will have a definitive answer if there is cancer. Because of the size of the masses, I will have to get another large abdominal incision, much like my last surgery when my colon exploded in 2011. The doctor referred me to a gynecologic oncologist immediately because they want to spare me additional surgery after removal, if it is indeed cancer.

I have decided to have the surgery done in Illinois, where Joey’s family can take care of me. His mom is an ob/gyn nurse who works for a wonderful surgeon. Her best friend will be my anesthesiologist during the surgery. I will recuperate in Illinois for the following weeks. Here’s hoping to a positive outcome to both surgery and a benign result for cancer. I’ll keep you posted as I go through this journey.

* None of the pictures are actually of me, but represent pretty closely what my situation is.