I’ve had my share of crazy assistant stories and I always think the last one is the worst I have ever encountered, until I run into yet another insane lunatic who claims to be a working professional. I almost titled this blog post The Disaster Artist, but the Fakeup Artist seemed more appropriate.
In today’s culture of “faking it until you make it,” some assistants are taking it to mean lying about your qualifications and experience to book jobs they are clearly not qualified for.
In a recent example, I was hired to department head for a film. The first makeup artist was hired prior to me signing on board. After meeting her, I quickly realized I was going to be in for a hell of a time managing her. She showed up at the production meeting looking like a Wendy Williams midget clone, and was full of useless conversation. Not only did her phone ring once in the staff meeting, it rang a second time after a half hour because she didn’t turn it off. She was constantly talking throughout the meeting while others were talking. She enjoyed hearing herself talking (reminiscent of the Jailhouse Lawyer from In Living Color) and didn’t care if she made any sense or if the conversation was even relevant. She would use the few production terms and set jargon that she knew repeatedly, even if it wasn’t the correct usage. Obviously professionalism was going to be an issue.
On day one of filming, one of the actresses texted me after the shoot to show me her eye irritation. I was horrified as I specifically made set bags for each actress, specifically with their own eyeliner, mascara and spray brush cleaner for sanitary and hygiene purposes. I checked her bag and neither had been opened, meaning the makeup artist used her own products. I questioned her about her sanitation process and she lied about using the enclosed eyeliner and brush. I showed her the picture of the eye and she said that it must be how the actress washed her face, rather than taking ownership and responsibility of the situation. I told her that this was a serious issue, as an eye infection could have shut down production.
This was the same actress that I worked with on another film, and my assistant was aware of this through our conversations. While in her chair, she told the actress that she was offered that previous film, but had to turn it down because she was too busy. This was the first I had heard of this, even throughout our conversations. She tried to make it appear that I was second choice on that previous film and was only booked because she turned it down. Days later, she would offer to pay to work as a makeup artist in the next installment of that previous film, not realizing she was inconsistent in her story telling. Maybe people are just not used to being called out on their own bullshit.
Later that evening, I asked her how she booked this film, since I didn’t hire her. She told me the Assistant Director posted on Facebook looking for a makeup artist for this film and she responded (yet she was telling everyone that he asked her directly). She said he asked her if she had feature film experience and she responded yes because “she didn’t really know what he was asking.” I was floored that someone could so blatantly lie to get a job that they were obviously not qualified for. I had done some preliminary background research on her, but was unable to find anything other than her ridiculous website and social media, where she portrayed herself as a CEO, Photographer and Celebrity Make Up Artist (yet was advertising $80 full makeup and hair wedding packages). I had a suspicion that she wasn’t using her real name and it was confirmed when the call sheet went out and I saw her legal name. After googling her real name, I was able to find her arrest record for theft in addition to her lack of valid cosmetology license. She had been a licensed full specialist years ago, but that license was null and void. She is what we call a “fakeup artist,” someone who is running a business illegally and/or portraying themselves to be more successful than they actually are. In the age of social media, you can be anything you want to be apparently.
The next day, I had another complaint from a different actress, who said that her brushes “smelled like she hasn’t washed them in a year.” I apologized yet again. I had already addressed the issue once, but this was going to be yet another conversation. I spoke with the Assistant Director after the first sanitation conversation, and now I was having another conversation just a day after I gave feedback.
When I booked this gig, one of the girls who works for me as a freelancer told me she was interested in working on this film and responded to a post on Facebook that this assistant posted looking for an assistant. She told her she would be paying her directly and quoted a much lower rate than the actual rate. She apparently was trying to skim money off the top of the rate by bringing on an assistant. Another makeup artist, who I closed the film with after I fired The Fakeup Artist, said she also replied to that same Facebook post. Funny how The Fakeup Artist was quick to ask others for credentials that she didn’t possess.
Not only did I have to speak to her about her excessive talking (which slowed down production on set), I also had to talk to her about her inappropriate flirting with cast and crew. Her response was, “I’m just a happy go lucky kind of girl.” To which my response was, “You’re not happy go lucky with the females here.” Apparently she missed the whole Harvey Weinstein memo.
The worst part about this situation was having to share a hotel room with her each night after reprimanding her constantly. I would spend hours in my car, venting to my significant other because I obviously couldn’t, with us sharing the same room. I had never met anyone so unaware of themselves.
I overheard one of the swing crew tell another crew member that they were staying in her room (which was also my room) and I knew nothing of this. I purposely waited all day to see if she would mention it or even ask me. She brought it up in passing (not as a question) right before we wrapped that evening. I told her that I overheard the conversation earlier in the day and was a bit perturbed that she hadn’t even asked me. This happened again the last night with another crew member, only this time I realized it when I saw their stuff in our room. Obviously she didn’t take feedback well or even have common courtesy.
One actress would wait until she was in the make up chair to FaceTime her family everyday. Most people would take this as a cue to keep conversation to a minimum, as there was so much down time for this specific actress. It spoke volumes that she waited until she was in her chair to talk to her family.
While on set, she received text messages from a previous bridal client, who she harassed about sending her wedding pictures so she could use them for her website and social media. The client sent every picture with everyone’s face covered with an emoji. She was angry, not realizing why the client sent the pictures to her that way and even tried to vent to me about the situation. The majority of her makeup experience revolved around wedding makeup, and she utilized that as a way to make quick and easy money by offering bargain basement prices to attract clients. A most perfect market for her, as you only deal with the client once typically and those clients tend to let certain behaviors slide, in the search for a deal.
She also came up to me in the first overnight shoot, before we wrapped, and told me she was leaving early. She didn’t ask a question, just made a statement. The following day, she texted me when she was supposed to be there at the specified call time, to tell me that she was going to be a few hours late. That was another discussion.
At one point, she was bragging to one of the producers about her savvy usage of Instagram, demonstrated she said, by her number of followers. When looking through her Instagram, you could see that the majority of her followers were paid followers, as evidenced by their profiles and content.
What’s frustrating most about today’s culture and climate is that it is so easy to portray yourself as a legitimate professional on the internet. Keeping up the charade in person is another story.
Trust and productive working relationships are key to longevity in this business. If you’re in it for the glitz and glam, you will eventually fail at some point.
When I actually had the final conversation with her regarding her inappropriate behavior, lack of professionalism and overall failure to perform the job duties, she tried to argue and point out deficiencies in my performance. To which my answer was that she lied her way on set, because I never would have hired her. She wasn’t qualified to be there and because she couldn’t do her job, I couldn’t effectively do my job. So, I replaced her with a qualified professional. Someone who could work autonomously and under the radar. Someone I could also trust and who understood that the actual opportunity was worth keeping an ego in check.
I was told by various crew about how she was trying to point out things she didn’t feel that I had caught. I told her this was also lack of effective teamwork on her part. That, as her Department Head, she should’ve come to me instead of everyone else. She also confronted me earlier that morning in front of other crew members, stating that she was part of my department and that I needed to communicate with her. I used that as a specific example of her lack of professionalism. How she needed to approach me personally and have a discussion privately versus charging at me in front of crew.
I told her that working as a makeup artist wasn’t just about skill in applying makeup. Being a trusted professional carried more weight and because of that I couldn’t work with her. Not only did I not have time to train her, but she would never be able to work effectively under someone because she didn’t listen and implement improvements to suggested feedback. In addition, this is a small industry and word gets around quickly.
Most people would’ve taken the opportunity to exit the situation gracefully since her departure coordinated perfectly timing-wise with a shooting location change. Not this Fakeup Artist. As I packed my car, I saw her holding a “press conference” at the end of the driveway.
When I asked how they came to hire her, I was told their previous Makeup Artist highly recommended her when she went out on maternity leave. My answer to that was, she didn’t want to get replaced by someone equally or more qualified than her.
A month later, I would see her respond to a casting that I publicly commented on. I was relieved that she wasn’t hired by the company I was working for, because dealing with her again would have been exhausting. Unfortunately someone else hired her without checking her licensing or credentials, because she was able to get into a show she would not have been able to as an attendee because she wasn’t licensed. I also saw her respond to a casting in Los Angeles, looking for someone with feature film experience to work on a film. It was then I realized she had not learned a thing. Instead of taking the time since her dismissal to work on smaller projects and learn to work professionally, she was aiming high for the lights of Hollywood and Sundance, regardless of actual qualifications.
Maybe next job, I’ll apply to be a Super Model. In the Instagram age, you can be whoever you want to be. It doesn’t matter if you meet the actual qualifications. (Insert sarcasm
It has come to my attention, that this post begs one question – why didn’t I fire her sooner? Believe me, I would have if I could have, but when life give you lemons….